


What Must It Be Like (To Grow Up That Beautiful)

by insomniacchronosaurus



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Childhood Friends to Lovers, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff, High School, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), alex reggie bobby and flynn are mentioned, gonna shut up now, half dominican julie because surprise surprise i'm projecting, i guess, i had to do an embarrassing amount of research on latina artists for this, i might write carrie x julie in the future who knows, including julie's mom, it's embarrassing cause the info is only relevant for like two sentences, its only referenced in one line of dialogue but alex & reggie aren't cis either, julie's in the art program instead of music, luke is a simp for julie, mention of past carrie/julie, not tagging it cause i don't wanna get people's hopes up, oh carrie's also mentioned, popular!luke, probably not, shoutout to ppl who are ride or die for rare pairs, sorry there are so many tags i know im annoying, takes place in 2020, will i ever stop rambling in the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29465916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacchronosaurus/pseuds/insomniacchronosaurus
Summary: Julie Molina (Julie!!!! Freaking!!!! Molina!!!!) was standing by the stool next to Luke’s. She looked at him expectantly, and Luke scrambled to sit up straight and pull himself together when he realized that instead of answering he had just been staring at her.“Yeah! Yes, yes, of course,” Luke said, gesturing towards the stool. Julie smiled and Luke felt like there was electricity thrumming in his veins. He forced his eyes away, because even if he wanted to keep looking at her, he didn’t want to be creepy. She was no longer in his line of sight, but his mind was still screaming, “Oh my god oh my god oh my god you’re sitting next to JULIE FREAKING MOLINA OH MY GOD.”In case you couldn’t tell, he had a bit of a crush on her.Or Juke have art class together
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 121





	What Must It Be Like (To Grow Up That Beautiful)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is a belated valentine's day gift to @heartsick-stranger on tumblr. sorry again that this is late <3

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all students at performing arts schools procrastinate their mandated elective until the very last moment, or at least until they are upperclassmen. Luke Patterson is no exception. Ever since he started playing guitar he had become obsessed with music and didn’t care for any other forms of creation. Why would he? At the young age of seventeen he had already found the thing he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing. The thing he was  _ born  _ to do. That was rare, so why should Luke take it for granted? 

However, him waiting until senior year to take an elective meant that he and his bandmate’s schedules no longer aligned for a free period in which they could rehearse. And with Bobby’s job and Alex’s ever-controlling parents, that meant that there was no time at  _ all  _ where the four of them were all available. This stupid elective was taking Luke’s band and his friends away from him, and he was not pleased. Normally the gasps, whispers and giggles that came when he walked into a classroom brought a smile and pink tint to his face, but right now it just made his irritation flare up even more. He grumpily sat down in a chair in the back of the room, already humming a melody for something he’d write later about the stupidity of the American school system. 

But his attention was dragged away before he could start contemplating the hook, because a goddess had just walked up to him.

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

Julie Molina (Julie!!!! Freaking!!!! Molina!!!!) was standing by the stool next to Luke’s. She looked at him expectantly, and Luke scrambled to sit up straight and pull himself together when he realized that instead of answering he had just been staring at her.

“Yeah! Yes, yes, of course,” Luke said, gesturing towards the stool. Julie smiled and Luke felt like there was electricity thrumming in his veins. He forced his eyes away, because even if he wanted to keep looking at her, he didn’t want to be creepy. She was no longer in his line of sight, but his mind was still screaming, “Oh my god oh my god oh my god you’re sitting next to JULIE FREAKING MOLINA OH MY GOD.”

In case you couldn’t tell, he had a  _ bit  _ of a crush on her.

They had known each other almost their entire lives, though they had never become friends. Luke was not the most sophisticated of children and Julie was not the most patient, so in elementary school they were anything but compatible. As they got older Luke started to notice more and more not only how pretty she was, but her talent and kindness as well. It was during a field trip to the beach at the end of their freshman year that he realized exactly what he felt for her. A smattering of the music and art kids were playing volleyball, and Julie’s friend Flynn had just done a killer spike. Julie high fived her and whispered something in her ear, laughing and

pointing towards Luke and his teammates. It was while he was tracing his eyes over her sun-dappled curls that lightning struck and his brain went: 

Fuck.

He never did anything about it. How could he? Since his epiphany he could barely talk to her without making a fool of himself, let alone ask her out on a date. Generally he didn’t really get nervous, but whenever he was around her he turned into a complete buffoon. (Bobby’s words, not his.) Trying to make a move could only lead to one thing, and that thing was humiliation. So he would just watch her longingly from across the cafeteria until Alex would throw a banana peel at him and call him creepy, and he would retaliate with his chocolate milk, and then the four of them would have a mini food fight until a teacher came by and broke it up. And he would try not to, he really would, but Luke would never be able to keep himself from stealing another glance at her while walking to the bathroom to wash off the mushy french fry stains. 

But now here she was, less than a foot away from him, intently listening to Ms. Nolan with stars in her eyes, and lightning was hitting him again, and his brain was sending another message, this one a bit longer. 

_ She’s Julie freaking Molina. Angel on earth. If you don’t try to at  _ least _ be her friend, you’re always going to kick yourself for it. You don’t want to be eighty and wondering about the one that got away. No regrets.  _

That had always been his motto. No regrets. It hadn’t been hard to live by, because he wasn’t afraid to do whatever needed to get what he wanted. But now it wasn’t a  _ what  _ that he wanted, it was a  _ who.  _ And this who’s presence made him incapable of being coherent. For the first time in a long time, it felt like the odds were stacked against him, and not in a way that felt like a fun challenge, but in a way that felt terrifying and impossible. Could he do it?

“The person sitting next to you will be your partner on this assignment, so make sure to introduce yourselves and get along. I will be able to tell if one partner did more work than the other, and if the responsibilities are not split equally I will give the slacker a zero.”

Julie turned to Luke, the stars in her eyes from before now having been replaced by mirth. “I know you’ve got this whole tortured artist punk rock aesthetic, but I can trust you to not be a delinquent and have my back on this, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Totally. Of course.”

Julie grinned. “Perfect. We’ll meet at my locker tomorrow after school.”

The bell rang, and Julie picked up her backpack and stood. Luke realized that he had really spent the whole period daydreaming about Julie rather than listening to the teacher. At least this was an elective class. 

“Bye Luke!”

Julie waved from where she stood in the doorframe, her curls framing her face in their perfectly tousled way.  And there his heart went, moving back and forth like a pinball. 

The universe had decided for him, that whether he could or not, he was doing it. He was going to talk to Julie freaking Molina.

Lord have mercy. 

Julie had been trying really hard to play it cool, but if this lasted any longer she would explode.

When she sat down next to Luke Patterson-who she had an embarrassingly large crush on for the majority of middle school that had  _ definitely  _ faded by now-in art class, she felt neutral. When she realized that they were going to be partners for their first project of the semester, she still felt neutral. When Luke told Julie it wouldn’t be a good idea to study at his house and that they should probably go to hers, she felt neutral. Through all of it, she felt totally and completely neutral.

At least that was what she told herself.

Of course she was totally over him, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to be nervous, right? It’s anxiety inducing to have someone in your house that’s never been there before. And it was really messy right now, which she didn’t particularly want Luke to see. Not that she cared what he thought. Of her or her house. Obviously she wasn’t worried about his opinion, why would she be? There was no reason for her to care about whether he judged her or not, because she absolutely positively for sure no longer had interest in him and therefore did not give a flying fuck about how he viewed her.

Julie sighed and put aside her sketchbook. She was trying to fake it until you make it, but the denial just wasn’t working. She knew the truth, which was that even after five years, she still had it bad for Luke Patterson. 

“You okay?”

Julie looked over and saw Luke timidly curled into himself in the chair he had chosen to sit down in at her dining room table. Ever since they were kids, he had been bold, fearless, and burned hot; a firecracker of energy and passion. But for most of high school, every time Julie tried to talk to him, he was meek and quiet. She had gathered that he had probably figured out that she had feelings for him and was weirded out by it, which just added to the list of reasons why she shouldn’t like him, but here she was doing it anyway.

“Uh, yeah. I’m okay.”

Luke nodded and looked away. Julie tried to ignore the painful pang in her chest that arose at his dismissal. They had never been close, but she had definitely considered him a friend for many years. Now she’d lost that because she just had to succeed to his infuriating charm and

stupidly perfect smile like every other student in the male liking population at their school. She could handle getting rejected, but the mortification that came with the knowledge that her feelings were so obvious and repulsive to him that he had avoided her like the plague for three years was not something she knew how to come back from. She turned to the first page in her sketchbook where she’d taped pictures of paintings. She exhaled and remembered that right now they were doing a project, and that she had plenty of time to mope about Luke once he was no longer in her house.

“Whose paintings are those?”

Julie looked over her shoulder. Luke had angled his body a bit more towards hers to try and see the photos in her sketchbook. She slid it across the table to him, pointing at each one as she spoke.

“This one is ‘Maternidad’, by Clara Ledesma Terrazas. This is ‘La Ceremonia Del Jarro Divisional’ by Lucía Méndez Rivas, this is ‘Retrato de un Sueño’ by Myrna Báez, and that’s ‘Retrato de una Dama’ by María Luisa Penne Rullán de Castillo.”

The corner of Luke’s mouth quirked up as he slid the sketchbook back across the table. “I’m sensing a theme.”

Julie smiled and gestured to her shirt-a white tee with the Puerto Rican flag on it and the Dominican flag she had added under it in paint.

“Estoy orgulloso de ser una Latina fabuloso. I should say fabulosa because I’m a girl, but that doesn’t rhyme and gender is meaningless anyway.”

“I took French for my language credit so I wouldn’t have known.”

“So you have no idea what I just said?”

“Uh-no, no, of course I do! It was-no, don’t worry, I know it! It means-it’s uh...it’s-”

Julie couldn’t contain her laughter. He was just so cute, what else could she do?

“You don’t have to be nervous. I didn’t expect you to know what that meant. It’s ‘I’m proud to be a fabulous Latina.’ Which I am, though my Spanish needs work.”

“You sounded great to me.”

“If anything that’s concerning because you don’t speak Spanish.”

And there it was-she got a laugh out of him! Folks, we’ve got a big one: Julie Molina just made Luke Patterson laugh for the first time since they were fourteen! If you asked her if the reason  for her beaming like world peace had just been realized was knowing that she was starting to chip away at the wall between them, she’d lie.

“Touché. But it doesn’t matter anyway. You don’t have to be good at Spanish to be Latine, you just are.”

“Of course.” (Julie was definitely not about to get into her insecurities over whether she really fit in the Latine community or was Latina enough with this White Boy, and yes the capitalizations are purposeful because despite being cute he was White.)

“Are these your favorite paintings?”

Julie smiled wistfully. “They’re my mom’s favorite paintings. For each of these painters, who are my favorite artists.”

“Does your mom do art too?”

Julie shook her head. “She’s a mechanic. She says I get the creativity from my dad. He’s a photographer, so it’s a little different, but pretty close.”

“But she supports you doing art?”

Julie’s smile grew even stronger. Luke had a way of always making that happen, but she also always got happy when talking about her parents, no matter who she was talking to.

“Completely. She’s a big believer in everyone having the right to do what they want to do. She fought with her parents for years about them letting her join the family business and become a mechanic.”

“Why wouldn’t they let her?”

“Because she’s a woman. But that never stopped her. She worked hard and proved herself by opening up her own repair shop here in L.A. My abuelo-her dad-finally conceded a couple years ago, and agreed that he would leave it to her in his will. Her and my dad will move to San Juan once me and my brother Carlos have moved out, and she’ll finally get to live her dream.”

“That’s really cool.” Luke suddenly went quiet. “Sucks she had to do all that to prove herself, though. They should have just supported her.”

“Yeah. Parents can be tough.”

“Not yours though,” Luke said with what Julie thought might be longing in his eyes.

“Yeah. I’m lucky.”

Julie looked back down at the photos and smiled, tracing her finger over the Myrna Báez piece, which coincidentally was also her favorite of Báez’s work. 

“Can I...suggest something?”

Julie looked up and took in Luke’s body language. He had one knee up on the chair, which implied he was getting a bit more comfortable, but she could still feel anxiety radiating off of him. Guilt twisted in her chest at the reminder of how uncomfortable her feelings made him. 

“Of course.”

“I know we’re supposed to be making visual art, but...what if we incorporated music into it somehow?”

“Like what?”

Luke moved the slightest bit before returning to his original position, like he was physically restraining himself. He then shook his head and pulled his backpack off the back of the chair, digging through it and taking out the black journal he’d had in his arms every time Julie saw him. He opened it and flipped through the doodled on, ripped, and ink-bled through pages until he landed at one that seemed to satisfy him. He slowly stood up and walked over to where Julie sat, handing her the journal like he was putting food down in front of a ravenous animal. He sat back down and started fiddling with his zipper.

“The assignment is to make a piece on something we’re passionate about, and...I wrote those lyrics after me and all my friends came out to each other.”

Julie smiled warmly. She remembered when the band he had with Reginald Peters, Alexander Mercer and Bobby Wilson had posted a medley online of songs by their favorite queer artists, (David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Teagan and Sara, Janelle Monáe, etc.) They ended it by going around and introducing themselves as so:

“I’m your friendly neighborhood bisexual Reggie! Pronouns are he/they/xe.”

“Luke, who is not attracted to pans, but could possibly be attracted to you. He/him, of the trans guy variety.”

“Alex here. I’m gay and tired. Refer to me as he or they.”

“And I’m their token cishet, Bobby. I use he/him.”

“We’re not Sunset Straight-” Luke started:

“We’re Sunset Curve!” They all shouted in unison.

“Tell your friends,” Reggie said with a wink.

Julie chuckled in amusement as she returned to the present.

“God, the school went wild after you came out. The combination of straight girls freaking out because they didn’t get what you meant and were scared you were gay and therefore unattainable, the queer guys who were now hyped because they theoretically had a shot with you, the closeted kids who felt less scared and were now bursting out of the closet by the dozen, those who now thought they had to question their sexuality because you’re trans-it was almost too much for Los Feliz to handle.”

“Yeah, it was a lot. Some good, like the closeted kids. It meant a lot knowing I was able to help people, especially the baby transmascs who I gave tips on how to pass. But some were also not so good, like the flood of ignorant questions about pansexuality and the invasive ones about me being trans. Coming out is always a lot, but when…”

“The whole school simps for you?”

Luke’s laugh was 50% awkward, 50% flustered, and 100% adorable. “Sure. Yeah, uh...that. Even though it’s not the whole school.”

“Yeah, there are the lesbians. Oh, and straight guys. Forgot they existed for a second.”

Luke smiled and his hand migrated to the back of his neck to rub it shyly. “Uh, anyways, it’s about coming out. Hope you like it.”

Julie's eyes drifted down to the page and saw “Finally Free” was written in capital letters across the top. The more she read, the wider her smile became. 

“This is incredible!” She said excitedly, leaping up from her seat. 

“Be right back.”

She dropped the journal and raced to her room, grabbing the roll of paper she used for bigger pieces. She ran back downstairs and to the table, releasing the roll across it and pulling a pen out of her ponytail to start sketching on it.

“The lyrics can be drifting throughout it. Here at the top, one towards the right, in the middle, left and bottom. They’ll be big words, colored in with the colors of our flags.”

“Our flags? A-are you-”

“I’m bisexual.”

Luke’s head whipped up to look at her. “Really?”

“Yeah. I dated Bobby’s sister Carrie last year.”

Luke was starting to resemble a cartoon character from the way his eyes were popping out of his head. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you know? You hung out with Bobby at Carrie’s place when I was there.”

“I thought you guys were friends!”

“Friends who hold hands, nap together, and sit in each other’s laps?”

“Duh! I do that with all of the guys.”

Julie grinned and sat back down. “Well we were doing it in a gay way, not a friend way. Weren’t trying to hide it either. Guess you just never happened to see us kiss.”

“I mean I’ve also kissed all the guys before, so that might not have necessarily tipped me off either.”

Julie rolled her eyes (she was of course, also smiling, but trying to ignore that fact) and directed their attention back to the project.

“Anyways, the rest of the piece can be a patchwork quilt of sorts of various forms of queer imagery. You know those 60s-80s vintage pins protestors and activists wore?”

“Yeah, Reggie has at least twenty.”

“It’ll be like that, but with the modern twist of new symbols that have been designed in recent years. We can also include stuff from other cultures, like Hijras, which are the trans community in India. A lot of indigenous cultures were originally more open-minded about gender and sexuality-”

“Until my ancestors came along,” Luke finished.

“Pretty much. Anyway, it’ll be a giant poster that represents our community in as many ways as possible. With your words running through it.”

Luke smiled at Julie-a full, big,  _ real  _ smile. With the exception of when she had made him laugh before, he hadn’t smiled at her like that in years. And even though she was trying to overcome her feelings, she couldn’t suppress what seeing it did to her heart.

“That’s an amazing idea, Julie.”

“Yeah, well. It was inspired by your lyrics, so.”

“It’s still amazing.” Pause. “You’re amazing.”

Hope soared in Julie’s chest. “I am?”

“Of course,” Luke said, and from the look in his eyes, she could tell it was earnest. Affection and anxiety washed over her, the latter being the result of what she was about to say.

“I’m really glad we’re working together for this project. I’ve missed being around you.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. And I want to apologize for that.”

Luke’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Apologize for what?”

“For making you uncomfortable. I mean, obviously you have every right to keep your distance from me, and you’re not obligated to be around me or anything, but...before you realized I had a crush on you-”

“Cr-crush?”

Luke seemed to be shaking in his seat.

“You have a crush on me?”

“You...didn’t know?”

“N-no, no. I had no idea.”

“Then why have you ghosted me for the last three years?”

Luke’s eyes went down to the ground. He bounced his knee anxiously.

“Luke?”

“Go to the next dog-eared page.”

“What?”

“My journal. Go to the next page in it that’s dog-eared after Finally Free.”

Julie was confused but curious, so she complied. The page she had arrived at, like nearly all the others, had doodles on it. These were of paintbrushes and butterflies. In jagged, lightning bolt-esque lettering, was the header Wicked Beauty. 

  
  


_ Never prayed to Him or believed _

_ Until she was in front of me _

_ What other explanation could there be _

_ Than that she’s an angel I’ve been lucky enough to see _

_ Scribbling soliloquies or strumming strings _

_ The only way I could show her is if I sing _

_ Though it’s not good enough for her _

_ Nothing I could do would be what she deserves _

_ Because who am I? _

_ Then a lovesick fool at the mercy of a wicked beauty _

_ It would be a lie _

_ To act as if my light burns as bright _

_ As the wildfire of this wicked beauty _

_ Why even try? _

_ There’s thousands of others like me you’ll find but she’s a one in a million wicked beauty _

  
  


Julie looked at Luke, who was watching her with those  _ eyes _ . Between his gaze and these words she was 76% sure he had written for her, she did not think it would be an exaggeration if she said her heart was threatening to burst out of her chest.

“I’m...a wicked beauty?”

Luke smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. I think...I did the annoying thing boys do when they’re little and pick on the girl that they like. I know it’s not an excuse for running over your drawings with my toy trucks, but it was what I did. And I never really stopped.”

“Luke…”

“I know you said you had a crush on me-had, as in past tense, so if you don’t think of me that way anymore and I’m out of line, just say the word and we can pretend like this never happened. But I try to live life with no regrets so...here goes nothing.”

“Wait!”

Luke’s face fell. “Is-is that it? The word?”

“Huh?”

“I said to say the word and we’d act like this never happened. Is ‘wait’ the word?”

Julie laughed. “No, it’s not. I’m saying wait because I have an idea of what you’re about to do, and I want to do it first.”

Luke’s face broke out into a bright, brilliant smile-one that Julie wanted to kiss more than she’d like to admit. “Yeah?”

Julie nodded, beaming at him. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Go ahead. The answer’s yes, just so you know.”

Julie held back the urge to roll her eyes.

“You don’t even know what the question is yet.”

“It’s yes. Whatever you want to ask me, the answer is yes. It’ll always be yes.”

Julie’s heart squeezed with like or maybe even love for this boy who seemed to connect with her in ways she didn’t know someone could. She marched over to Luke and kissed him fiercely, smiling against his lips when he put his hands on her waist and kissed her back. She couldn’t help but giggle when they pulled apart for air.

“So,” Luke said, panting for breath. “What were you going to ask me?”

Julie smiled in the cocky way Luke always did while performing. “Would you like to go on a date sometime?”

Luke grinned and leaned in, murmuring so only she could hear it, “yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> thnx for reading! leave a comment if you enjoyed


End file.
